The Human Condition

Today's post may sound a bit....academic. I guess I have a void from not writing a paper in a few months, so forgive me in advance.

This past weekend I bought the new Psychology Today. It was talking about Aha Moments. Those moments where something happens that alters your life, and shows you a different worldview. The article stated that everyone is wired to have them, and that they are referred to as peak experiences, and that everyone has them on a different level. Some people get them from climbing a mountain, others get them from reaching out to someone and starting a relationship. But they often involve an epiphany that occurs suddenly, and leads us to have insight that is new and deeply meaningful. It causes what professionals call a quantum change, which is when a sudden realization leads to an immediate behavioral reorganization. It can also show us the limits that we have set for ourselves and show us that we are capable of something that we didn't think we were.

As I was reading this, I thought about the past few years. I was the fat, unhappy, unhealthy binge eater in an extremely unhealthy relationship. Nothing against my ex, but I felt like no one else would love someone who was so damaged, so I stayed, thinking that was it for me. Then I had my knee surgery, which led to me getting sick. I had my epiphany in the hospital after an exchange with my now ex, when I knew that if he loved me he wouldn't have said what he did. And if I loved myself I would never have allowed things to get this way.

Within a few days after getting out of the hospital, I finished up my application for my Master's degree that I had originally decided I wasn't smart enough for. I was the last person accepted into the program. I knew at that moment that was all the affirmation I needed to get out of my relationship, do something about the unhappiness, figure out a way to change my eating, and just let all of that stuff go. It's true: psychology students go to become psychologists to work out their own issues. I'm no exception. It led me to decide to have the bariatric surgery, to start a new relationship with someone who genuinely did care for me, and change up my friends. I even had to distance myself from my family and just grow. How could I help others if I couldn't help myself because I didn't know who Sara was? How could I be the best daughter, sister, friend, whatever, because I was too focused on how unhappy I was, and was doing nothing to change it?

Within two years, I have finished that degree, met my future husband who loves me despite my ups and downs, have cut ties with all of the toxic people that I let get to me, lost weight and have kept it off, and enjoy life. I'm also more honest with others and myself. That I'm still working on. Sure, I have my down days, but they are nothing compared to my past. The self-destructiveness isn't there, or at least not as severe. I am happy that I was able to have my moment at the age I did, and the circumstances surrounding it. I'm not out to change THE world, I'm out to change MY world. My future is bright because I'm choosing for it to be.

What are your Aha moments? What did you do about them? Are you changing your world? Hit up the comments!

Taking the Road Less Travelled

Hello everyone!

One of the things that I have been working on is being educated about something before I open my mouth and share my opinion. It's just proper etiquette, I feel.

So imagine my jaw dropping reaction to comments to an article that I read this week.

I was reading about how bariatric surgery has increased among Caucasian adolescents. It was mostly discussing that some cultures have different versions of beauty, copings skills, etc. It wasn't the article that offended me, it was the comment section.

It absolutely astonishes me how people can be so outspoken about a topic that they haven't dealt with. To sum it up, it basically said that the majority of people who have the surgery are looking for the "easy way out" of weight loss.

I know several people who are able to lose weight with exercise and diet. Good for you. But not everyone is made the same way. I am one of those people.

I have been outspoken about my surgery since the beginning. The surgery literally saved my life, and I have not regretted any of it for one second. But I sure as anything did NOT take the easy way out.

The surgery option I chose is where they take your stomach from the size of roughly a football and cut it down to the size of a golf ball. They leave the rest of your stomach in there, bypass part of your intestines, and attach a limb from your small intestine to your new "pouch." Over 18 months you slowly expand that pouch out to roughly the size of a softball. You are on a soft food diet for the first three months, which means you eat baby food and drink out of a sippy cup for 12 weeks. After that, you get to blend your food for a month, and then you are able to eat solid food. You slowly introduce certain things back into your diet for the next year.

You actually go through a mourning process. I did, at least. It was so hard to crave food that I knew I couldn't have because it would make me sick. Even some of the foods I could have would make me sick, sometimes for days. (I had a Cheerio stuck in my pouch opening for 4 days. I would rather have had a migraine for a week.) You also have to constantly intake protein, and even then your hair starts to fall out because your body can't metabolize it fast enough.

Looking back 20 months and roughly 130 pounds later, it was worth it. In the beginning, I was obsessed with the scale, and what size I was in. Now, I concentrate on the fact that I'm healthy, I'm happy, and I did it for me. I chose to make the lifestyle change, and have done well with the adjustment. I still have my off days; I'm human.

I'm not saying that the people who left the comments about taking the easy way out should experience the surgery firsthand; it would be like not allowing a male gynecologist to deliver your baby. I wish that they would look into it a little more before they make offhanded comments. When I first started looking into the surgery, I was just as naive. But it is the hardest thing to go through emotionally and physically.

I guess what this long rant is about is an example to show people how their flippant remarks can harm someone who is dealing with something as sensitive as how they lost weight, won't eat, smoke, etc. When you hear someone has had the procedure done, think about what that person has done to get them to that point. It's dedication, strong will, and hard work. It should be applauded, not shunned because it wasn't done what some people would think is the conventional way, doesn't make it less difficult. So, lesson today, educate yourself before you speak. My fellow pouchies and I will thank you

On the light side :)

Thanks to my friend and fellow blogger, OrwellChick, for the tag! Let's see how well I can answer these!

1. Who is your favorite musician and why? Stevie Nicks. I just have always loved her songwriting and her quirkiness. And love for ridiculously tall platform boots.


2. What is your favorite book and why? I have two. My favorite childhood book is Anne of Green Gables. She was raised by an older couple; I split my time with my grandma and my parents, she was a redhead, did well in school, was stubborn, and would tell off boys, so I related :) As an adult, The Art of Racing in the Rain is just an amazing book. It's through a dog's eyes, and it made me laugh out loud and then just cry at the end. Check it out!


3. What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you? Funny things happen all the time if you look at it the right way. :)


4. If you could change one thing about the world what would it be? The fact that the U.S. is more than willing to take care of the world but not their own people. Shame.


5. Would you relive high school? Why or why not? No! I knew nothing then (are you happy to hear that, Mom? haha). It's just a short span of your life that people make into a much bigger deal than necessary.


6. Who is one (or more than one if you have them) of your heroes and why? I can't really say I have any heroes, is that weird? I have people I admire, but no one I would specifically put in that context.


7. What is something you want or wanted to do but your past or current weight prevented you from doing it? At my past weight, I wanted to be able to wear clothes that didn't look like old woman clothes. I wanted to run and not be in pain or out of breath. I wanted to wear knee high boots. Now, I'm starting to train for a short distance marathon, I am able to buy the cute clothes off the rack from anywhere, and I am getting ready to pull my knee high boots out for the fall.


8. If you could do one thing over, what would it be and why? Letting people get to me that shouldn't have. I'm really glad that phase is over.


9. We all have it, what is your dream outfit that you want to be able to fit into?
My wedding dress!!!! LOL.

10. What has been your biggest motivator to get healthy? My own health taking a bad turn a few years ago. I'm so glad it was my wake up call, but I never want to put myself in that position again. Also, finding someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with and be healthy for him, and to be an example to others that good choices, and the right reasons, are enough to start that motivation!

Copy and paste and add your own answers if you like, and leave them in the comments!

The Real Housewife of Indianapolis

Hello! I hope everyone had a restful weekend!!

It's funny how much your priorities change in a year, isn't it? It's odd how one little thing totally changes your path and puts you in the least likeliest place you'd think you'd be.

I think I'm there.

Let me explain. In high school, I wanted to be a photojournalist. I wanted to work for Rolling Stone, and take awesome pictures, and meet my idols. Music always has been a huge part of my life, and I love to write. It just seemed to be my destiny.

All of that changed when I began working as a night shift tech in an all male group home. I changed my major and never really looked back. I can be pretty indecisive, but once I know I want it good luck convincing me otherwise.

Back when I wanted to be a pseudo hippie and write for RS, I never wanted a family. I wanted to travel the world and do my own thing. Looking back now, I was a budding feminist (or maybe just a teenager) and thought I didn't need anyone else.

That changed when I met Richard, obviously.

I find myself loving the domestic life. I look up recipes, I clean, I cook, I make meal plans, and I really enjoy every minute of it. If anyone told the 18 year old me what I'd turn into by 27, she would have said "Laaaaame" while reading a biography of The Doors in a tie dye shirt sitting on blow up furniture.

I know a lot of it is maturity and growth. But a lot of it is being in a true partnership that you don't mind doing those things. In previous relationships, they did their part, I did mine, and we kept everything separate. Richard and I just do it, and we don't keep a tally; it's not necessary. I never thought I would get excited over cleaning supplies and picking out appliances, but I do. I found my senior book, and it has a section in the back of what you think you will be doing by the next reunion. I wrote I was going to be a photojournalist, living in an awesome apartment by myself in some big city. By the reunion I will be a few months away from getting married, living in a home, and still working as a therapist, and I'm not sure Indy compares to the "big city" of Chicago, New York, or London that I was referring to, but, hey, one out of three isn't bad (haha).

I used to see housewife as this horrible word. Now, I don't. I see it as being part of a family. Yes, I'm learning the ropes still, and it's been difficult trying to work, commute, keep up the housework, and everything else that comes with being an adult and partner. But I have a great partner in crime to help me. I'm looking forward to what is ahead, because I have someone great going through it with me. Now, I feel, my true destiny, professionally and personally, can begin.

Overly Thoroughly Modern Millie

Today may come off as kind of a rant, just FYI.

Technology can be a blessing and a curse. It comes in handy when we are lost, to get a quick reference, or to send off a quick email or text. But lately, I think technology may have hit the too much of a good thing area.

I'm going to pick on Facebook for this example. A few weeks ago they started this Facebook Places invention, where you can check in and show your destination. My question: is nothing sacred?! Do you like allowing yourself to be stalked? Do you think people actually care that you checked into Starbucks with another person? I, personally, don't. So I disabled it.

I have to admit that for a long time I was very much into updating my status, etc. But I have come to realize something: people generally don't care. I have deleted people for flooding my feed with rants and raves about things that maybe 5 people get, or with posting cryptic updates that people try and figure out what's wrong. Same with Twitter, which I have, and almost enjoy more than Facebook, because I can get links to things I actually care about.

It's the same with texting. I used to be a textaholic, and felt like my whole arm was missing if I didn't have my phone. Part of that was living in a different city than my significant other, and the majority of our conversations being via phone or text every day. Since the move, my phone isn't as much of a necessity. This past Saturday I left my phone behind and spent the whole afternoon downtown with Richard. I connected with people face to face, I had a conversation with the girl that made my sandwich instead of my face having the glow of my phone screen. I enjoyed the nice weather, watched a wedding party getting their pictures taken at Monument Circle, ate outside, explored a museum, and talked with Richard, instead of posting that I was doing each of those things. It was touching base as a couple, but for me, it was getting back into the swing of life.

I think because of being in such an intense program for so long, I became co-dependent with my phone. It was my lifeline for my emails, to get in touch with group members, etc., AND to feel the need to immediately respond. Now, I leave my phone on the charger and check it periodically, and I never take it into the gym. It's nice to just breathe and enjoy life without feeling so available all the time. No wonder people are stressed out and can't relax!

There was always a rule in my house(s) growing up: no TV on during dinner. I still instill that in my house, even though there aren't any kids there. No TV or cell phones at dinner. Also no cell phones when you are having a conversation with someone in person. I understand sometimes you can't help it, but when I'm talking to someone and their phone goes off and they immediately respond to it, it just sets me off and the conversation (at least on my end) is over. Put the stupid thing away! Focus on what is in front of you, really enjoy the moment, grasp the sacred, prize the privacy, and for God's sakes don't Facebook or Tweet about it.

Twisting the Body, Untwisting the Mind

There's something about twisting yourself into a pretzel that is just so relaxing to me. I know that's weird, but for me, it's like wringing out all of the things you just can't control, getting all of that toxic energy out, and just letting it go.

I didn't always feel that way. I thought yoga was some new-age fad that would go away eventually, and scoffed when friends would mention it to me to help my migraines. My thought was "How could standing on your head help the pain?" It held no value to me.

Obviously, I changed my mind. I began doing yoga via Fit TV about four years ago, and my headaches started to be less frequent and intense. I felt better mentally, and lost some weight(combined with a pretty strict vegetarian diet). Once I started graduate school, though, all exercise went by the wayside while I worked on papers, engaged in a long distance relationship, and worked full time. Once I finished school and began moving to Greenwood, the first thing I wanted to do was find a gym that offered yoga. Fortunately, that gym was less than a mile from the house, and minus my 10 day hiatus for my knee, I have gone at least twice, if not three times a week, for hour long classes.

I feel refreshed, grounded, and energized after that time. I have a hard time shutting the rest of the world out, because my mind is usually going in 30 different directions during the day. But for that hour, my cell phone is either at home or in my car, and all I need to concentrate on is my breathing and my focus to stay balanced. It's total "me" time. I may have a little bit of a Type A personality, and feel the need to be in control of everything around me.

Personally, yoga helps me keep that in check, and helps me put things in perspective. I have found it to be a great coping mechanism, one of which I will be using to help me during the wedding planning, and it also helps me medicinally. I believe that it helps me stay balanced mentally, which in turn helps me stay physically well. As odd as this sounds from a mental health professional, I think medications are overused. I stress this to my clients. I know that some people need to be on medication for severe issues, I used to be one of those people, which is why I may try any homeopathic route before taking medication. I think if people actually listened to their body, they would feel better. Kind of a "your body is a temple, treat it well" adage.

What about you? What are your coping mechanisms? Healthy or unhealthy? Let me know!