Fitness Challenge

Hey everyone!

Last year I had the wedding to motivate me to get my workouts in and make healthy eating choices. I hate to admit it, but after the wedding I didn't stay on top of it. It's not like I went overboard at the Golden Corral, but I could tell with my decrease in energy I was sliding. Then I tore ligaments in my foot, and I stumbled in my motivation. I was trying to do light workouts. But even yoga was painful, and had to just rest.

My 'Surgiversary' ( the anniversary of my bariatric surgery) was in January, and I wanted to do something to get myself back on track, but needed the accountability factor. I asked my friend Danna if she would be my long distance workout buddy. We decided that we would do 30workouts in 30 days. Anything to get us to move!

Unfortunately everyone in Greenwood had the same idea. The gym was a nightmare, and it just frustrated me. I decided that it was a sign that I needed to shake up my workout routine as well. And that's exactly what I did. I did workouts at home, I walked around downtown with friends, turned up the music and danced while I cleaned house, and went bowling with friends for my birthday. It wasn't about the calorie burn for me, it was about getting back to basics and get out of the workout rut. I have a tendency to look at the clock during exercise, and noticed during this month that I didn't set any time limits so I would just enjoy it, which I did.

I'm not going to lie, a few days were rough. Some days I just wanted to come home and stare at a wall. But thanks to Danna, I did it. It was great knowing someone was there cheering for me. Richard was a great cheerleader as well, and he worked out with me when he could, which was really sweet.

I felt great at the end of the month. I had lost the few pounds I had gained since the wedding, my energy had returned, and I was back to taking my vitamins and watching my water and protein intake. Danna and I decided that we wanted to do a challenge a month to help both of us, and to help me train for my first half marathon in September. This month we posted that we were going to do 60 miles in the month of February. Again, you could run, walk, row, ellipticize, whatever, just as long as you did it. To out surprise, 11 people have joined in! It's great to have a group of guys and gals making an effort to improve their health in their busy lives! Richard and I have been doing laps on our trail, and I did a ton of walking at the Super Bowl festivities. Again, it just feels good to move and have others around me be motivated and encourage each other.

So, tell me, what's your fitness challenge for the month? Are you doing it with support or on your own? What's motivating you? Hit the comments!!

New Name

I really need to get better at this writing thing.

I've been really busy! I've been working on the wedding. All I have to say is: I don't understand how someone could plan a full scale wedding more than once. Even with the help of family and friends, it's been stressful.

Yesterday a box with some of the wedding stuff was at the front door. In it were the groomsmen's gifts, as well as our cake cutter set, and toasting glasses. I figured Richard would pick out the cheapest set, but no, he picked out a really nice set. I was really pleased. I decided that I would like to take the toasting glasses and make a shadowbox to place them in with a picture of us on our wedding day, so we decided to get them engraved.



Although it's not a picture of the full stemware, it's still gorgeous.

The weirdest part of it is seeing my new name. It's like it just hit me.
I know people say that nothing changes when they get married; that it's just a piece of paper that the government recognizes your union. But I guess to me it's a bit different.

I've built my profession under my maiden name. My clients and colleagues know me as Sara Osborn. It's weird to think in a few months that I will have to (in a way) re-create that foundation as Sara Chambers. I know I could always keep my maiden name, hyphenate my name, or keep my maiden name professionally, but I think that would get pretty confusing, and when you go to apply for stuff there's only so many boxes to spell out your name. That would get annoying. I don't see how P. Diddy ( or Puff Daddy, or Diddlie-dee, or whatever his name is this week, has done it so many times.)

I read online that some couples are being "progressive" and mixing up their last names to make one new name. I don't know how it would sound to have my dad introduce us as "Mr. and Mrs. Chamberborn." Nah. Don't like it.

As I've stated before, change is difficult for me, and this is one more change that I will encounter. After the last six months, this should be no big deal. Plus, now that I look at it, I kind of like the sound of it :)

Realistically

Hey guys!
In honor of a few of my friends finishing their graduate programs, and me being out of school and in the "real world" for a year, I thought I would help the newbies to the field by giving them a real world view of what to expect, from someone who has been there. Ready?

1.) You're in LOTS of Debt. Sure, it was great living off your student loans for a few years, but now you have to pay them back - plus interest - and find a job to showcase all that snazzy stuff you've been cramming into your head. Which should be easy, right? Except..

2.) Teachers Lied to you About Jobs Therapy just isn't therapy anymore. Due to the recession, you are expected to do a lot more than just sit and discuss feelings and make sure you are asking open ended questions. A lot of therapy jobs anymore are case management and clinical roles put together, so the corporation can save money. That comes with a bigger caseload, longer hours, and a lot of figuring out how to do it yourself. And they expect it done. By you. Because...

3.) Counselors, Social Workers, and Psychologists Don't Always Play Nice The general public think we are one and the same, but we're really not, and we are quick to point that out if we've been mislabeled. When I first started my new job, everyone asked me how long I had been a Social Worker. No offense to them, but I didn't go to school for two years continuously to be called the wrong thing. With that being said, there's a line of tension between the different types of social service workers. Before you assume your new coworkers are from the same field, ask.

4.) Acadamia vs. Real World The internships that you have probably been doing aren't giving you a realistic picture of what is to be expected. Employers in this day and age like having free workers, so will appease the universities to make sure they get a few of them every year. Once that's over and you step into a paid position, facades are off. No kid gloves. No warm fuzzies. They don't care what theory you are, as long as you work with clients and help them improve. While it's great that you know a lot about cultural differences, there's not enough time to really explore that because they're only allowed so many sessions. And could you please just label all Bipolars as a 2? That way you won't waste so much time changing it back and forth, and payors will cover for the sessions without justification.

5.) You Need to Own 24 of the 26 Letters Behind Your Name to Get Respect And licensure better be one of them.

6.) Your Friends and Family Have Had A Life While You Were Away It's amazing. They've had children, or the children are growing up (and don't know who you are anymore), or they're getting married, or divorced, or they've moved. You hear a "Yeah I would have told you but I knew you were busy the last few years." "Look who decided to rejoin the family!" and "Who is this sitting at the dinner table?" the first few months you start reintegrating yourself into the thing called Life.

7.) Don't Mention Your Profession to Strangers...unless you want to give everyone feedback. I made this mistake during a spa treatment...I'm happy to say that there were some issues worked through, but I felt like I should have been paid instead. If you tell people you're a therapist, you'll always be in that mode, which is exhausting. Likewise...

8.) Get Used to People Who Do Know You To Accuse You of Analyzing Them. I never knew that asking someone what they wanted to eat could be a deep question. Or giving constructive criticism (i.e. "Hey I think we need to fix the dryer") could turn into "I know what you're doing!" Everyone asks questions. Trust me, after a long day I really don't care to analyze and interpret your thoughts. If you really want me to, family or not, it's $120.00 an hour, and I take cash, check, and all major credit cards.

9.) Produce or Perish Unfortunately, productivity is part of the therapeutic vocabulary. Last week I was in a training, and I heard the guy in front of me say "I hope this doesn't go against my productivity for the month." Another person said "I'm doing the best I can, but my numbers still aren't up there, and I'm scared I'm going to lose my job." It's scary to think that mental health has turned that way, but it has. It's discussed weekly, if not daily, about how numbers can improve, how many people should be on a caseload to get that number, and why aren't you doing your part to get your numbers. Which is why it's so important to...

10) Stay Close With Your Grad School Buddies You have went through a traumatic and life changing ordeal with 15 other people. You've laughed, cried, fought, studied, and freaked out together. These are the same people that will understand your frustration better than anyone else. I practically lived at my friend Melissa's house for two years to the point I was invited over to holiday gatherings and birthdays. These are the people who have seen you at your best and your worst, and they're going to stick with you through the ups and downs of the stressful make or break it time after you finish school.

It's a tough but rewarding road. It was a shock being in my program, it was a shock finishing it, as well as starting out on my own. But I love what I do. I have something that no one can take away from me, no matter how high the principle interest goes on my loans.

To all the newbies out there..good luck, and don't sleep with your clients!! :)

Working, Workouts, and Wedding

Hey everyone!

It's been a whirlwind past few weeks. I started at the new job this past Monday (the first few weeks were very repetitious orientation.) At first, I was really hesitant, and thought I had made a bad decision. But then this morning I was speaking to one of the care coordinators, and he shared that the position had been filled but quickly vacated when the new hire didn't have his required education. At that moment I realized it was one of those things that were meant to be. My fellow trainees and new coworkers are very nice, and you can tell that they are there for the client, which is nice. I'm also going through this with another person, so it's been nice to not feel like the odd person out by myself!

The wedding planning has pretty much been put on hold while I learn the ropes of the new job. The job I'm doing is going to be built from scratch, so I've been spending time brainstorming, seeing what resources are available, and how it would work with the population I'm going to serve. We were ahead with all of the planning anyway, so it's not like we're going to be behind. One thing that has really helped us is that we are paying for the vast majority of it ourselves. My parents have all pitched in, which has been helpful, but Richard and I are saving our money to make sure that we walk down the aisle without paying for that aisle for the next 5 years. I just don't understand why people want to slap something like a wedding on credit cards and then be thousands of dollars in debt. It's one day! Why would you want to start your life with someone and be up to your eyeballs in debt?! Makes absolutely no sense to me.

But I digress. The wedding planning had become frustrating to me. My version of doing things differs greatly than Richard's. I am very detail oriented, he's a general idea kind of guy. It causes frustration on both ends, but I think he's worried I'll stroke out and kind of submits. We've gotten the bands, the tuxes, and the honeymoon all figured out. Now we just need to figure out where we are going to put everyone, the cake, and the invites, and the major stuff is done. I really am thankful that I have some awesome bridesmaids and friends who allow me to word vomit all over them when I feel like I'm being swallowed alive in planning. It's nice when you've had people there that have done it before and can tell you what to focus on (the cake), and what doesn't need as much detail (the bridesmaid shoes).

Which brings me to the workouts. I have been doing fairly well with the diet. I had planned on dropping all carbs to help lose weight, but I've been working toward the 5k that's this weekend, and realized that would be asking for medical melodrama. The training isn't going the best, honestly. My foot and knee have been acting up, and one night I had a pretty severe exercise induced asthma attack. Thankfully, the 5k is a walk/jog, so I don't have to run. I plan on walk jogging the entire thing, but not push myself. I literally can't afford an injury right now, and my physical therapist said that my knee is actually declining in strength instead of increasing. He said it's probably from muscle fatigue. I've been trying to find a happy medium, and it seems to be working. I haven't lost any weight, but I haven't gained, and I can still see definition, so I know I'm doing something right. I figure after the 5k I will go back to the bariatric diet I did when I was about 6 months post op, which was not a lot of carbs, and a lot of protein. I also plan on upping the workouts after the 5k, and continue to mix it up so that way my muscles and I aren't bored. I'm doing it partly because of wanting to look good in THE dress, which already fits really nicely, and is actually a little big, but I just really enjoy knowing that I'm doing something for me, and having that me time where I can block it all out and focus on exercise. It's my free indulgence.

Ok, I've rambled. But tell me, what's your (semi) free indulgence? Hit the comments!

A Change Would Do You Good

I hate change.

I am a very routine oriented person. I don't do well when that routine is skewed in any way. I'm surprised my parents didn't think I had a spectrum disorder as a child.

As I've gotten older, I've learned to bend a little bit. I think part of the rigidness came from having the typical only child syndrome. When my parents got remarried, I had to get used to having others schedules to work with. But I didn't go down without a fight; trust me.

With that being said, I also would like to say I am proud of myself for starting to embrace change in the past few years. I still see it as a necessary evil, but you have to change to help you grow, right? As comfortable as I was in certain situations, I wasn't necessarily happy. My previous relationship fits this scenario perfectly; I was very comfortable with the routine, but neither one of us was happy in the relationship, and neither one of us really had the guts to end it. Honestly, for the first three years, I was happy, and saw a future. Once I realized that we wanted very different things, I had to slowly come to the realization that it wasn't meant to be. I had to take a step into the unknown. By myself. Scary.

I've also realized that I have a defense mechanism for change. I call it the Onion. I start my process of change much as if someone would go through the Stages of Grief, and they go in no particular order. First comes the Thought of Change. With this thought comes (in my mind), what this change would look like. At first, it is good; there are rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns. And then, without warning, the butterflies are cannibalistic mosquitoes, the rainbows catch on fire, and the unicorns start charging at you, and that is when I enter the next stage: Panic. I see all of the things that can go wrong, but in my mind, I change it to the thought that it WILL go wrong. This stage is accompanied with a brown bag to hyperventilate in, and poor food choices. After that, I normally go into the third stage: Indecision. This stage could last from hours to infinity. I balance the pros and cons, then I pro and con the pros and cons. I find fault in all of it, and relapse back into stage 2. Once I get that cycle worked out, I start stage 4: Putting It Into Action. This stage always has several baby steps. The issue here is I verbalize and backtrack. I word vomit it out and then change my mind. Physical issues also come into play, and mood swings, as I battle this war within myself. I finish this up with Stage 5: Just Do It!
This is how I handled my move to Indianapolis, and this is how I handled the biggest change in a long time for me, by taking a job outside of my current company. I decided to start working with the homeless that are dealing with some severe mental health and substance abuse issues. I will also build a substance abuse program from the ground up to help these individuals get a fresh start and make better choices. I'm not going to lie, I have some anxiety about the position, and I went through all of the stages before deciding to take it. But I learned in the past few years that I'm not going to better myself if I don't take these chances. Deep down I know I'm capable of doing this, I just need to give myself a chance. I had a great eight years at my current location, and if it wasn't for this experience, I would be walking into a certain suicide mission. I've decided to embrace the challenge instead of walk away and wonder what might have been later. I'm getting out of my own way, and here's hoping for the best.

Life's Quotes

It's been awhile! Hope things are good for everyone!

As many people know, I love to collect quotes. I see them as God's way of giving us an instant pick-me-up. But let's be honest, that can be hard to remember when you are going through a tough time. The last few months I have done a lot of growing. I feel like I've taken all of these tools that I learned in school the past few years and have really been applying them to my life. Some of the things have been tough to look at, but I'm proud of the progress and outcomes.

The quote that has been sticking with me lately is "It's never too late to be what you might have been." This really revealed itself to me this week in the oddest of places: my job.

The past few weeks at my job have been really stressful. We've had a lot of people out of the office, I've been sick, the weather has been bad to commute in, etc. I also re-injured my knee a few weeks ago, and I've been trying to get in a certain number of workouts a week, but it hurts too bad and I have to stop. It's taken a toll on me mentally and physically. The other night Richard was gone and there was a problem with our pipes, and I told him "I can't do anything right. I break stuff, what I do isn't good enough, I feel inadequate." He assured me that it's just my perfectionist side coming out (which is true). But I hate feeling like I'm not doing well in my job. I love what I do, and I hate when I feel like I'm not getting anything across to the people I help.

With this dejected mindset, I walked into work to do my group. When I went to give them a break, one of them came up to me and said she had something to show me. This is what she showed me



Isn't it amazing? The cake was made from scratch. I'm not going to lie, I teared up when I saw it. Here I was, feeling like a total fraud at my job, and I had touched someone. The client told me it was the first time they had made a cake sober in several years, and they finally felt a sense of accomplishment and pride. They were proof that it wasn't too late for them to be what they might have been. They were doing it!

It set a positive tone for the rest of my week, and showed me that it's not too late for me to turn a negative situation around (even one from my own head) and be what I want to be. It was (literally) a sweet reward, and one that I will remember for the rest of my life.


What about you? What is it that you want to be?

I'm Eloping!

Gotcha!!!

But some days I seriously consider it. Usually after I have sat and attempted to figure something wedding related out, like what the different types of flowers are (I know of lillies, roses, tulips, those dandelion thingys that grow like crazy in the spring, and those yellow flowers. That's it!)

So if I am driving myself crazy with wedding details, why do I continue to do it? Richard. He wants to make sure that I get the wedding I want, and is afraid I would be unhappy if I didn't have an actual ceremony. And deep down I know he's right (but don't tell him, I don't want him to have too much credit.) And part of me thinks he's enjoying the planning a bit too much. For someone who didn't care about the details, he sure has input, although I did veto the saloon themed wedding with a KFC catered reception. I have standards!

How do you keep yourself from going crazy? Since I feel I am the only woman I know that has never been married, I get plenty of advice, some welcome, some unwelcomed. It's part of the deal, I guess. And then the "When's your next day off" comment pops out of my mouth and we debate it all over again.

Besides Richard reminding me why we should have a ceremony, another person stops me from just running off to Vegas and calling it done: my Dad. While he is all for whatever I want to do, and I appreciate that, I've always had the vision of him giving me away, and having that first dance together. I know it sounds weird, but when I was little my dad used to do a lot of weddings, and I would go along. I always made him dance with me during the slow songs and tell him it was practice for my big day. I feel like I wouldn't be keeping up my end of the bargain, and the same magic wouldn't be there if we had the reception later.

I guess it comes down to putting it all in perspective. I want to share my joy and happiness of marrying my perfect match with the people who have been there with me through our jouney...and in some cases, both attempts to get to the altar. I just hope y'all like 80's hair bands....

For a Little Taste of Fall

I love Fall! It's a great time of the year. Leaves changing, Halloween, crisp mornings, and a good excuse to cuddle! But, with that can also come LOTS of eating, such as Halloween candy, Thanksgiving, and making heavier dinners since it's cooler out. So, I decided that I would share a yummy protein drink recipe for you. It's bariatric friendly, so if you decide to substitute anything, then plan to adjust the nutritional value. I've tried this recipe myself last fall, and I did it without the ginger and cloves, and it was yummy, and filling. Try it and let me know what you think!!

Pumpkin Protein Shake (meal replacement)
1 cup water
1/4 cup fat-free half & half
1 scoop Perfect Natural Isopure Vanilla protein powder
1/4 cup pure pumpkin puree
1/4 cup frozen sugar-free whipped topping, thawed
2-3 tablespoons Splenda Granular
1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice (or 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/8 teaspoon each ginger and cloves)
6 ice cubes

In a blender combine the water, half & half, Isopure Vanilla, pumpkin, whipped topping, Splenda, spices, and ice cubes. Process until smooth and thick. Serve with a sprinkle of cinnamon on top. Makes one serving.

Per Serving: 220 Cal; 25 g Protein; 5 g Tot Fat; 14 g Carb; 2 g Fiber; 6 g Sugar; 140 mg Sodium

Weddings and Funerals

Hey everyone!


Yesterday I went to support a friend who just lost her grandmother. I had mentioned that it had been a while since we had really sat and chatted and she replied "Yeah, the only time you ever see people anymore are weddings and funerals."

As odd as it sounded, she's right.

I get invitations to attend weddings of friends that I haven't heard from in a while. I appreciate the gesture, but I find it awkward to attend someones soiree if I haven't really seen them in at least a year, or keep in regular contact with them. But for whatever reason, weddings and funerals bring people out of the wood work.

Since announcing my engagement, I've had several people share that they are excited about the wedding. While I appreciate that they are happy for me, that doesn't guarantee that they will be attending. It may sound harsh, but I'm not inviting you if the last time we really hung out was me pushing you on a swing, sitting next to you in a class, etc. It would just be impossible.

Same with funerals. When my grandmother passed away, I had several people remember me, but I had no clue who THEY were. They remembered me when I was a young kid, or being involved in my dad's church, but the conversation was one sided. How can you ask about people you don't remember? (If you know a way, please share, it would make awkward pleasantries much smoother.)

I guess my point is: why do people lose contact for months, years, decades, and then come around only when you are experiencing great joy or sorrow? And why is it that once the event has passed, you go back to your own life? Why do people not stick around after reconnecting?

As all of this was swirling around in my little noggin, I thought "Am I to this stage of my life already? When did THAT happen! HOW did that happen!?" Between Facebook, email, texting, video chat, and Twitter, along with the good old snail mail, how do we still lose contact? You hear so many stories of people reconnecting on a social network and getting married (I being one of those people), so it jarred me to think that people are still losing touch, or not keeping in touch, in spite of how easy it is any more.

On the flip side, just because you have these outlets doesn't mean that you still really know the person. I mean come on, people post their wedding, pregnancy, baby, kid, family, pet, vacation, and boredom pics online constantly. Doesn't mean I know them any better, other than they got married, pregnant, had the kid, got a dog, went to Zimbabwe, and got bored. But what about their spouse, and kids, and family? People change, outlooks change, priorities change. That's not really something you can grasp in the virtual world.

Due to our school and work and distance, I haven't really seen my friend face to face much. But in just the last few interactions I have had with her, she's still the same girl I knew when we were 15; she still loves to crack jokes, is kind of a spazz, and has an odd fixation with guinea pigs. But she also, for I feel the first time, is dating someone who loves all of that and keeps her grounded, and compliments her personality without trying to extinguish her core fun loving personality. Facebook doesn't show me that. Facebook just shows me the surface.

What about you? Are you guilty of swooping in on moments of joy and sorrow only to duck back out? Why? Hit the comments and let me know, and then for Heaven's sake get up from your computer and catch up over some coffee with an old friend!! :)

The Human Condition

Today's post may sound a bit....academic. I guess I have a void from not writing a paper in a few months, so forgive me in advance.

This past weekend I bought the new Psychology Today. It was talking about Aha Moments. Those moments where something happens that alters your life, and shows you a different worldview. The article stated that everyone is wired to have them, and that they are referred to as peak experiences, and that everyone has them on a different level. Some people get them from climbing a mountain, others get them from reaching out to someone and starting a relationship. But they often involve an epiphany that occurs suddenly, and leads us to have insight that is new and deeply meaningful. It causes what professionals call a quantum change, which is when a sudden realization leads to an immediate behavioral reorganization. It can also show us the limits that we have set for ourselves and show us that we are capable of something that we didn't think we were.

As I was reading this, I thought about the past few years. I was the fat, unhappy, unhealthy binge eater in an extremely unhealthy relationship. Nothing against my ex, but I felt like no one else would love someone who was so damaged, so I stayed, thinking that was it for me. Then I had my knee surgery, which led to me getting sick. I had my epiphany in the hospital after an exchange with my now ex, when I knew that if he loved me he wouldn't have said what he did. And if I loved myself I would never have allowed things to get this way.

Within a few days after getting out of the hospital, I finished up my application for my Master's degree that I had originally decided I wasn't smart enough for. I was the last person accepted into the program. I knew at that moment that was all the affirmation I needed to get out of my relationship, do something about the unhappiness, figure out a way to change my eating, and just let all of that stuff go. It's true: psychology students go to become psychologists to work out their own issues. I'm no exception. It led me to decide to have the bariatric surgery, to start a new relationship with someone who genuinely did care for me, and change up my friends. I even had to distance myself from my family and just grow. How could I help others if I couldn't help myself because I didn't know who Sara was? How could I be the best daughter, sister, friend, whatever, because I was too focused on how unhappy I was, and was doing nothing to change it?

Within two years, I have finished that degree, met my future husband who loves me despite my ups and downs, have cut ties with all of the toxic people that I let get to me, lost weight and have kept it off, and enjoy life. I'm also more honest with others and myself. That I'm still working on. Sure, I have my down days, but they are nothing compared to my past. The self-destructiveness isn't there, or at least not as severe. I am happy that I was able to have my moment at the age I did, and the circumstances surrounding it. I'm not out to change THE world, I'm out to change MY world. My future is bright because I'm choosing for it to be.

What are your Aha moments? What did you do about them? Are you changing your world? Hit up the comments!

Taking the Road Less Travelled

Hello everyone!

One of the things that I have been working on is being educated about something before I open my mouth and share my opinion. It's just proper etiquette, I feel.

So imagine my jaw dropping reaction to comments to an article that I read this week.

I was reading about how bariatric surgery has increased among Caucasian adolescents. It was mostly discussing that some cultures have different versions of beauty, copings skills, etc. It wasn't the article that offended me, it was the comment section.

It absolutely astonishes me how people can be so outspoken about a topic that they haven't dealt with. To sum it up, it basically said that the majority of people who have the surgery are looking for the "easy way out" of weight loss.

I know several people who are able to lose weight with exercise and diet. Good for you. But not everyone is made the same way. I am one of those people.

I have been outspoken about my surgery since the beginning. The surgery literally saved my life, and I have not regretted any of it for one second. But I sure as anything did NOT take the easy way out.

The surgery option I chose is where they take your stomach from the size of roughly a football and cut it down to the size of a golf ball. They leave the rest of your stomach in there, bypass part of your intestines, and attach a limb from your small intestine to your new "pouch." Over 18 months you slowly expand that pouch out to roughly the size of a softball. You are on a soft food diet for the first three months, which means you eat baby food and drink out of a sippy cup for 12 weeks. After that, you get to blend your food for a month, and then you are able to eat solid food. You slowly introduce certain things back into your diet for the next year.

You actually go through a mourning process. I did, at least. It was so hard to crave food that I knew I couldn't have because it would make me sick. Even some of the foods I could have would make me sick, sometimes for days. (I had a Cheerio stuck in my pouch opening for 4 days. I would rather have had a migraine for a week.) You also have to constantly intake protein, and even then your hair starts to fall out because your body can't metabolize it fast enough.

Looking back 20 months and roughly 130 pounds later, it was worth it. In the beginning, I was obsessed with the scale, and what size I was in. Now, I concentrate on the fact that I'm healthy, I'm happy, and I did it for me. I chose to make the lifestyle change, and have done well with the adjustment. I still have my off days; I'm human.

I'm not saying that the people who left the comments about taking the easy way out should experience the surgery firsthand; it would be like not allowing a male gynecologist to deliver your baby. I wish that they would look into it a little more before they make offhanded comments. When I first started looking into the surgery, I was just as naive. But it is the hardest thing to go through emotionally and physically.

I guess what this long rant is about is an example to show people how their flippant remarks can harm someone who is dealing with something as sensitive as how they lost weight, won't eat, smoke, etc. When you hear someone has had the procedure done, think about what that person has done to get them to that point. It's dedication, strong will, and hard work. It should be applauded, not shunned because it wasn't done what some people would think is the conventional way, doesn't make it less difficult. So, lesson today, educate yourself before you speak. My fellow pouchies and I will thank you

On the light side :)

Thanks to my friend and fellow blogger, OrwellChick, for the tag! Let's see how well I can answer these!

1. Who is your favorite musician and why? Stevie Nicks. I just have always loved her songwriting and her quirkiness. And love for ridiculously tall platform boots.


2. What is your favorite book and why? I have two. My favorite childhood book is Anne of Green Gables. She was raised by an older couple; I split my time with my grandma and my parents, she was a redhead, did well in school, was stubborn, and would tell off boys, so I related :) As an adult, The Art of Racing in the Rain is just an amazing book. It's through a dog's eyes, and it made me laugh out loud and then just cry at the end. Check it out!


3. What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you? Funny things happen all the time if you look at it the right way. :)


4. If you could change one thing about the world what would it be? The fact that the U.S. is more than willing to take care of the world but not their own people. Shame.


5. Would you relive high school? Why or why not? No! I knew nothing then (are you happy to hear that, Mom? haha). It's just a short span of your life that people make into a much bigger deal than necessary.


6. Who is one (or more than one if you have them) of your heroes and why? I can't really say I have any heroes, is that weird? I have people I admire, but no one I would specifically put in that context.


7. What is something you want or wanted to do but your past or current weight prevented you from doing it? At my past weight, I wanted to be able to wear clothes that didn't look like old woman clothes. I wanted to run and not be in pain or out of breath. I wanted to wear knee high boots. Now, I'm starting to train for a short distance marathon, I am able to buy the cute clothes off the rack from anywhere, and I am getting ready to pull my knee high boots out for the fall.


8. If you could do one thing over, what would it be and why? Letting people get to me that shouldn't have. I'm really glad that phase is over.


9. We all have it, what is your dream outfit that you want to be able to fit into?
My wedding dress!!!! LOL.

10. What has been your biggest motivator to get healthy? My own health taking a bad turn a few years ago. I'm so glad it was my wake up call, but I never want to put myself in that position again. Also, finding someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with and be healthy for him, and to be an example to others that good choices, and the right reasons, are enough to start that motivation!

Copy and paste and add your own answers if you like, and leave them in the comments!

The Real Housewife of Indianapolis

Hello! I hope everyone had a restful weekend!!

It's funny how much your priorities change in a year, isn't it? It's odd how one little thing totally changes your path and puts you in the least likeliest place you'd think you'd be.

I think I'm there.

Let me explain. In high school, I wanted to be a photojournalist. I wanted to work for Rolling Stone, and take awesome pictures, and meet my idols. Music always has been a huge part of my life, and I love to write. It just seemed to be my destiny.

All of that changed when I began working as a night shift tech in an all male group home. I changed my major and never really looked back. I can be pretty indecisive, but once I know I want it good luck convincing me otherwise.

Back when I wanted to be a pseudo hippie and write for RS, I never wanted a family. I wanted to travel the world and do my own thing. Looking back now, I was a budding feminist (or maybe just a teenager) and thought I didn't need anyone else.

That changed when I met Richard, obviously.

I find myself loving the domestic life. I look up recipes, I clean, I cook, I make meal plans, and I really enjoy every minute of it. If anyone told the 18 year old me what I'd turn into by 27, she would have said "Laaaaame" while reading a biography of The Doors in a tie dye shirt sitting on blow up furniture.

I know a lot of it is maturity and growth. But a lot of it is being in a true partnership that you don't mind doing those things. In previous relationships, they did their part, I did mine, and we kept everything separate. Richard and I just do it, and we don't keep a tally; it's not necessary. I never thought I would get excited over cleaning supplies and picking out appliances, but I do. I found my senior book, and it has a section in the back of what you think you will be doing by the next reunion. I wrote I was going to be a photojournalist, living in an awesome apartment by myself in some big city. By the reunion I will be a few months away from getting married, living in a home, and still working as a therapist, and I'm not sure Indy compares to the "big city" of Chicago, New York, or London that I was referring to, but, hey, one out of three isn't bad (haha).

I used to see housewife as this horrible word. Now, I don't. I see it as being part of a family. Yes, I'm learning the ropes still, and it's been difficult trying to work, commute, keep up the housework, and everything else that comes with being an adult and partner. But I have a great partner in crime to help me. I'm looking forward to what is ahead, because I have someone great going through it with me. Now, I feel, my true destiny, professionally and personally, can begin.

Overly Thoroughly Modern Millie

Today may come off as kind of a rant, just FYI.

Technology can be a blessing and a curse. It comes in handy when we are lost, to get a quick reference, or to send off a quick email or text. But lately, I think technology may have hit the too much of a good thing area.

I'm going to pick on Facebook for this example. A few weeks ago they started this Facebook Places invention, where you can check in and show your destination. My question: is nothing sacred?! Do you like allowing yourself to be stalked? Do you think people actually care that you checked into Starbucks with another person? I, personally, don't. So I disabled it.

I have to admit that for a long time I was very much into updating my status, etc. But I have come to realize something: people generally don't care. I have deleted people for flooding my feed with rants and raves about things that maybe 5 people get, or with posting cryptic updates that people try and figure out what's wrong. Same with Twitter, which I have, and almost enjoy more than Facebook, because I can get links to things I actually care about.

It's the same with texting. I used to be a textaholic, and felt like my whole arm was missing if I didn't have my phone. Part of that was living in a different city than my significant other, and the majority of our conversations being via phone or text every day. Since the move, my phone isn't as much of a necessity. This past Saturday I left my phone behind and spent the whole afternoon downtown with Richard. I connected with people face to face, I had a conversation with the girl that made my sandwich instead of my face having the glow of my phone screen. I enjoyed the nice weather, watched a wedding party getting their pictures taken at Monument Circle, ate outside, explored a museum, and talked with Richard, instead of posting that I was doing each of those things. It was touching base as a couple, but for me, it was getting back into the swing of life.

I think because of being in such an intense program for so long, I became co-dependent with my phone. It was my lifeline for my emails, to get in touch with group members, etc., AND to feel the need to immediately respond. Now, I leave my phone on the charger and check it periodically, and I never take it into the gym. It's nice to just breathe and enjoy life without feeling so available all the time. No wonder people are stressed out and can't relax!

There was always a rule in my house(s) growing up: no TV on during dinner. I still instill that in my house, even though there aren't any kids there. No TV or cell phones at dinner. Also no cell phones when you are having a conversation with someone in person. I understand sometimes you can't help it, but when I'm talking to someone and their phone goes off and they immediately respond to it, it just sets me off and the conversation (at least on my end) is over. Put the stupid thing away! Focus on what is in front of you, really enjoy the moment, grasp the sacred, prize the privacy, and for God's sakes don't Facebook or Tweet about it.

Twisting the Body, Untwisting the Mind

There's something about twisting yourself into a pretzel that is just so relaxing to me. I know that's weird, but for me, it's like wringing out all of the things you just can't control, getting all of that toxic energy out, and just letting it go.

I didn't always feel that way. I thought yoga was some new-age fad that would go away eventually, and scoffed when friends would mention it to me to help my migraines. My thought was "How could standing on your head help the pain?" It held no value to me.

Obviously, I changed my mind. I began doing yoga via Fit TV about four years ago, and my headaches started to be less frequent and intense. I felt better mentally, and lost some weight(combined with a pretty strict vegetarian diet). Once I started graduate school, though, all exercise went by the wayside while I worked on papers, engaged in a long distance relationship, and worked full time. Once I finished school and began moving to Greenwood, the first thing I wanted to do was find a gym that offered yoga. Fortunately, that gym was less than a mile from the house, and minus my 10 day hiatus for my knee, I have gone at least twice, if not three times a week, for hour long classes.

I feel refreshed, grounded, and energized after that time. I have a hard time shutting the rest of the world out, because my mind is usually going in 30 different directions during the day. But for that hour, my cell phone is either at home or in my car, and all I need to concentrate on is my breathing and my focus to stay balanced. It's total "me" time. I may have a little bit of a Type A personality, and feel the need to be in control of everything around me.

Personally, yoga helps me keep that in check, and helps me put things in perspective. I have found it to be a great coping mechanism, one of which I will be using to help me during the wedding planning, and it also helps me medicinally. I believe that it helps me stay balanced mentally, which in turn helps me stay physically well. As odd as this sounds from a mental health professional, I think medications are overused. I stress this to my clients. I know that some people need to be on medication for severe issues, I used to be one of those people, which is why I may try any homeopathic route before taking medication. I think if people actually listened to their body, they would feel better. Kind of a "your body is a temple, treat it well" adage.

What about you? What are your coping mechanisms? Healthy or unhealthy? Let me know!

FLY lady

Hey, hope everyone is well!

I'm going to be honest, the move is moving slower than expected. Between my knee acting up and work picking up, I haven't been able to move at the pace I wanted.

Another issue is the house in Greenwood. Richard's ex stepson lived with him to finish out the school year, and, well, left his old room an absolute wreck. Nothing is really salvagable, and so we have literally been taking huge trash bags and just throwing everything away. He moved out in May, and never came to get the rest of his stuff, so I don't see a point in hanging on to any of it. It's been a daunting task going through things, as we have to have both of the back bedrooms done by the end of this month. The other room is pretty much done, and after we dump everything that's in the closets, it will be ready to be inhabited. The other room, however, may require a hazmat suit to finish.

I guess I just don't understand how people can live in clutter. And I don't understand why people would just leave their clutter for someone else to deal with. Laziness? Lack of responsibility? Never held accountable for actions? I don't know, but I will be SO HAPPY when it is done, because we will never have to deal with that issue again!

The reason I say that is because a friend and former co-worker of mine reintroduced me to the FLY lady. Becca and I worked on a SubAcute unit for about a year together, and she always talked about following the rules of the FLY lady to help declutter her home, and would use some of the organizational stuff to help us have a system with the clients. It worked really well, and once I left the facility, I kind of forgot about it. About a week ago, she posted something on her Facebook, and I checked it out. It's amazing, and it's how I've decided I'm going to finish cleaning up the bedroom.

FLY lady stands for Finally Love Yourself. Her website is full of ideas to help you clean and declutter your home in small steps. The site is free to join, and you get several emails a day on various tricks and testimonials from other FLY members. It also has things about weight loss and everyday life. It's really neat, and I think an effective tool to help Richard and I not feel so overwhelmed about getting the rest of the house completed. It has come a long way from the beginning, but I can feel our motivation start to wane, because we have worked so hard to get the front of the house to look respectable. Once you get your home de-cluttered, there's several tips on how to keep the house picked up and not spend hours of your weekend doing it. Richard and I have started that (dishes right after dinner, sweeping nightly, etc.), and I think we enjoy being at home more because of it. I'll let you guys know how it goes. If anyone has any tips on house cleaning and decluttering, please share!

www.flylady.net

Solemates

I love shoes. Not gonna lie.

When I was heavier, shoes were the one thing that constantly fit me. When my pants were too small, I got new shoes. It was my way of denying that I had an issue with my eating. My feet were a size 9 no matter how big my waistline got. That way I wouldn't loathe shopping trips with others, I knew I could always get a cute pair and still have bought something.

I did that 123 times.

I know, it's excessive. The sad thing? I wear the majority of them on a regular basis. The ones I don't wear are formal wear shoes, so I don't really count those. But still, that's a bit crazy. You name it I have it. I think Macy's shoe department is jealous, since I pretty much transplanted all their stuff into my closet. In my office, some of my clients refer to me as "the counselor with the cool shoes." I've lost my identity!

So imagine my sadness when I was told yesterday that my cute pumps and wedges that I have been wearing are to stay in their boxes for 10 days. 10. Long. Days! My knee that I had surgery on a few years ago is acting up again, and my doctor said I have tendonitis. For the next 10 days, I can't do yoga or pilates (which I do 2-3 times a week) run (which I do when it's not so hot), climb stairs or lift boxes (which is hampering the move, since all that is left is the bigger stuff)....and no heels.

It's like I've abandoned a good friend. Ok, that's a bit dramatic. I know it's for the best for me in the long term. The last thing I want is to mess my knee up and have another surgery....the last one was a big enough ordeal. In all seriousness, I had gotten into a great routine with my workouts, and miss the fact that I can't do them for the time being. I fear in 10 days I will gain a lot of weight, which I know is psychological, and I can get past those thoughts pretty quickly. I just feel so much better and relaxed after going to those classes, and I've been making a few acquaintances, which has been nice. And I measure how well I am doing in my workouts by...you guessed it...wearing heels. If my feet hurt after being on my feet only a few hours, I know I need to step it up in the gym. It's also how I knew my knee was out of whack again. They are like my WebMD (some may say my drug of choice, whatever). But it was my way of knowing that I was being successful at keeping the weight off. It's weird. Some people count calories, I wear heels. Like I said in an earlier post, shopping is my new comfort food, and even though I can wear a smaller size, the shoes are the first things I look at. It's an old, comfortable habit.

What are some of your comfortable habits? How have you handled not being able to do that habit for a period of time? Let me know!

Stay At Home Dads?

Short post today! I have a link below to an article I read on msnbc.com about the reversal of roles due to the economy, and how that can help or hinder a marriage. It does a great job of discussing both sides of the issue, and brings up a good discussion...is it something that you would be ok doing? Would you prefer to be or have your significant other be a househusband, or not? Why? Read the article and let me know!

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/38628278/ns/today-parenting/

Quirks

I'm tired today, and that makes me somewhat cranky. Instead of it being a full-blown crankiness, I call it a funny cranky. I'm irritated and grumpy, but I can still see the humor in things.

One thing that I notice more when I am in this mood is other people's quirks, and am REALLY aware of mine. I have a pet peeve that all of my labels have to face forward. One of my friends likes to go through my kitchen and bathroom and mess all of my labels up before she leaves. I know it's her way of picking on me out of love, and now it's a competition to see how long it takes me to notice what is messed up (have I mentioned I'm competitive and a perfectionist?)

The reason I mention this is because my fiance has a lot of quirks....LOTS. We have recently moved in together after being in a long distance relationship for a year and a half. We went from spending maybe 10 hours a week together, to seeing each other every day. I was worried that we might get on each others' nerves in the early stages of cohabitation. Honestly, I was really worried his little tics might make me put a pillow over his face while he slept (just kidding..somewhat). He drinks his milk out of a vase (in his defense it does look like a large glass; but once I pointed out to him that Better Homes and Gardens does not make glassware, he continued to drink out of it), he has an inability to stand still, and he will continue to do something when he knows it annoys you (like wax poetic about the awesomeness of Taylor Swift's music..ugh).

If it were anyone else, I would have wanted to change these little idiosyncracies, or restrict his behavior. Instead, I love him more because of his quirks. We are far removed from the "aww, he has such a cute snore when he sleeps" stage in our relationship, and I think he knows deep down these little habits make him more endearing to me. It makes me laugh in spite of myself when I see him come out of the kitchen with his equally numbered Oreos and obnoxiously large red vase/glass, or when he says the most random things with sincerity and honesty ("Let's honeymoon in Hollywood!" "We should have a saloon themed wedding with a Skittles color scheme!"), that make me realize that he is it for me.

I think that's what is missing from relationships: accepting them out of love, not out of convenience. I see Richard for who he is, and love those characteristics about him, and he sees a neurotic, anxious perfectionist, and is okay with it. It's how I know it's the real thing, and for the first time, it makes me feel safe and complete :) Mushy but true.

What about you? Do you or your significant other have any quirks? Is it endearing or obnoxious? Let me know!

The Dress

I hope everyone is having a good weekend! I hurt my knee working out, so Richard is making me take it easy today. Obviously, I am not complaining.

Yesterday my mom, her best friend Kim, and her daughter Jennifer drove up to see the progress we have made on the house, and to shop for a wedding dress. I have been pouring over bridal magazines since we became engaged, so I admit I am kind of to the point of every dress looking the same: white with some beading.

To help make this process go a bit smoother, I have made my own wedding planner, and narrowed it down to dresses by cut, price range, etc. (it was my OCD kicking in.) Yesterday when we went to the bridal shop, it was effortless for the consultant to get what I had. There was one dress that I had found in their catalog, but I wanted to make sure my mom was there for me to try it on. I also tried on the dresses one of my coworkers, my maid of honor Jennifer, and my future stepdaughter had picked out for me. I told my mom that I would know it was the dress if it made her cry (she claims she has never heard of this before, I think I'm just watching too many wedding shows).

The first dress that my coworker picked out was a hit. It was a fit and flare and had applique flowers along the skirt and the train. My judges as I called them all liked it. The next few were quickly put in the no pile, and a few we were split on.

That ended when I put the last dress on, which is the one that I had picked out in the catalog. As soon as I walked out, my Mom's eyes said it all.

And she started to cry. I knew it was the one. End of story. The dress is gorgeous. It's everything I wanted. My two goals were to not look like a princess or a cake topper, and I have successfully made that goal.

I finally feel like the wedding stuff is starting to come together. Getting a dress was a big first step. We are looking at the venue that we want in a few weeks. Now I can look at bridesmaid dresses, and get the flowers, etc. Before I started dating Richard I was always nervous how I would handle a wedding with my cast of characters in my family. But now, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I begin my life with someone who compliments me, who makes me laugh, and has my best interest at heart, and that I feel the same about him. Ahhh, love :)