Today's post may sound a bit....academic. I guess I have a void from not writing a paper in a few months, so forgive me in advance.
This past weekend I bought the new Psychology Today. It was talking about Aha Moments. Those moments where something happens that alters your life, and shows you a different worldview. The article stated that everyone is wired to have them, and that they are referred to as peak experiences, and that everyone has them on a different level. Some people get them from climbing a mountain, others get them from reaching out to someone and starting a relationship. But they often involve an epiphany that occurs suddenly, and leads us to have insight that is new and deeply meaningful. It causes what professionals call a quantum change, which is when a sudden realization leads to an immediate behavioral reorganization. It can also show us the limits that we have set for ourselves and show us that we are capable of something that we didn't think we were.
As I was reading this, I thought about the past few years. I was the fat, unhappy, unhealthy binge eater in an extremely unhealthy relationship. Nothing against my ex, but I felt like no one else would love someone who was so damaged, so I stayed, thinking that was it for me. Then I had my knee surgery, which led to me getting sick. I had my epiphany in the hospital after an exchange with my now ex, when I knew that if he loved me he wouldn't have said what he did. And if I loved myself I would never have allowed things to get this way.
Within a few days after getting out of the hospital, I finished up my application for my Master's degree that I had originally decided I wasn't smart enough for. I was the last person accepted into the program. I knew at that moment that was all the affirmation I needed to get out of my relationship, do something about the unhappiness, figure out a way to change my eating, and just let all of that stuff go. It's true: psychology students go to become psychologists to work out their own issues. I'm no exception. It led me to decide to have the bariatric surgery, to start a new relationship with someone who genuinely did care for me, and change up my friends. I even had to distance myself from my family and just grow. How could I help others if I couldn't help myself because I didn't know who Sara was? How could I be the best daughter, sister, friend, whatever, because I was too focused on how unhappy I was, and was doing nothing to change it?
Within two years, I have finished that degree, met my future husband who loves me despite my ups and downs, have cut ties with all of the toxic people that I let get to me, lost weight and have kept it off, and enjoy life. I'm also more honest with others and myself. That I'm still working on. Sure, I have my down days, but they are nothing compared to my past. The self-destructiveness isn't there, or at least not as severe. I am happy that I was able to have my moment at the age I did, and the circumstances surrounding it. I'm not out to change THE world, I'm out to change MY world. My future is bright because I'm choosing for it to be.
What are your Aha moments? What did you do about them? Are you changing your world? Hit up the comments!
1 comment:
Good for you Sara. You've come so far in all the years I've known you. It's true about the AHA moments. I have had a few just not about the things that I want the most change on. There is always a bump in the road. Sometimes it's so hard to stay positive. You are so smart and so kind. I'm so very lucky to have you as my friend. After almost 13 years as your friend I know we always will be. La la!
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